Today was perfect. I woke up, noticed that the chill of oncoming winter had invited a cat to sleep on my hip, and reached for my iPad to start the day without disturbing her.
I opened up Twitter – as one does the moment conscious thought stirs – and there it was. First item in my feed. The long-awaited review of Coding by Candlelight by TehBen.com.
I whooped with delight, Princess Fluffypants leapt up and looked at me from the far corner of the bed – I’ll pay for that all day with a sulky pussy who will not be mollified by dollops of double cream – and I settled back to read what Nelson Rockingham thought of my inaugural smut.
Not without a bit of trepidation, mind. I put a lot of work into writing the thing, spending a week perpetually damp while I got it down and polished up the piece, and although the handful of reviews on Amazon and Goodreads had been positive, I wondered what real professionals would come out with.
Too long, too much talking, too gynaecological, too unfocussed, where the crap did all that massage oil come from? And what’s with the four candles? I could be savaged here. Other erotica writers didn’t muck about with any more plot and character development than “Whack it in, whip it out, and wipe it” and here I was examining the distant childhood of a central character.
So I nervously licked my finger, chewed my nails, and got stuck in.
Friends, you can just imagine my relief! That hardened professional liked it. The review – and it’s full of that tickling humour that TehBen.com does so very well – concludes with the recommendation:
go out and get a copy, light up a few candles, and curl up with your Kindle and enjoy this book today!Fair dinkum, Nelson Rockingham liked it. Yay!
A masterpiece of the reviewer’s art. Maybe I have more than a passing interest, but I read it, and after a time, well, a few times, I sighed with satisfaction. This is the way proper reviews get written.
For one thing, Mr Rockingham is the only person to comment on my choice of cover art from what must have been a very interesting photo shoot. One that gives new meaning to the phrase “waxing fat”.
And yes, there’s a certain amount of preaching and teaching going on. Well spotted. How many times do you wish you had a discreet tattoo in front, low down, with an arrow and the words, “Aim here, guys!”
Find that little pink bean and treat it right, there’s a lot more chance of being invited back for a second helping. Just sayin’.
Ahem. I must get out more.
But for now I’m just going to lie back and bask in the glory of a review on TehBen.com.
And may I just say that if you haven’t discovered TehBen.com yet, flash up your browser and suck that bit of the web into your senses. I kid you not, but Coding by Candlelight shares review space with Thomas the Tank Engine as you have never seen him before.
Never boring, eternally amazing, this is more than the tagline “Your Mom’s Favorite Website!”
Point your Dad in that direction too. Especially if you want him to buy a copy of a sweet little tale about young nerds and a dyn-o-mite lady busting out of her tight top.
Image credit TehBen